


In Which Death Rocks Geno's World...

by OpalFruits



Series: Dumb Ways To Not Die [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Assisted Suicide, Gen, Humor, Not to be taken seriously, Playing fast and loose with the canon of AUs, Suicide Attempt, dark humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 15:58:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14814420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OpalFruits/pseuds/OpalFruits
Summary: ... but not enough to actually kill him.





	In Which Death Rocks Geno's World...

**Author's Note:**

> So apparently this random concept of mine has become it's own series. One that I anticipate will receive additional entries _very_ occasionally, but... Well, I guess we'll see what happens.
> 
> This particular piece was inspired by the song Big-Ass Rock from the Full Monty film, which was recommended to me by someone in the comments on the last story. I can't remember your name and I'm too lazy to look right now, but whoever you are, you have my thanks.

Geno eyed the setup with something approaching apprehension.

“well? whatcha think?” Death smirked.

“this seems...”

“genius?” the scythe-wielding skeleton suggested. “brilliant? _fun_?”

“barbaric,” Geno finished blandly. “excessive. spiteful.”

Not that Geno particularly cared, but it seemed – in short – like the petty revenge of a God sick and tired of not getting His own way. That was, he realised, probably not far off the mark.

“aw, come on! this here is a tried and true method, pal – a favourite since the dawn of sentience.” Death grinned. “you might say it's a _solid_ choice.”

When Geno had invited Death to help him kill himself (or rather, when Death had invited _himself_ to help Geno kill himself), he'd imagined – for one tiny second – that the God might actually take the whole thing seriously. He'd envisioned the use of ancient magical weaponry, or the purchase of a rare curse-breaking potion, or... well, _something_ that had 'All Powerful God of Death' written all over it.

Somehow blunt-force trauma didn't have the same 'oomph'. The tool selected for the task wasn't anything special either – it was just a rock.

A big but otherwise perfectly _ordinary_ rock.

“you think you might be enjoying this a little too much, grim?” Geno asked. After a moment's contemplation he lay down anyway, because fuck it – what did he have to lose? “this is starting to feel more like wish fulfilment than anything else.”

Death said nothing, but his grin grew conspicuously wider.

Geno shuffled around a bit to get comfortable. A hopeless endeavour really, since – suicidal or otherwise – there was only so much comfort to be had when he knew he was about to have his noodle knocked in.

“so... if this doesn't work-,”

“which it probably won't,” Death noted, hefting the rock – of no insignificant size – into his arms.

The fact that he apparently wanted to do this with his bare hands and not his magic was a detail not lost on Geno.

“right. then what do you think 's gonna happen to... y'know,” Geno rapped his knuckles on the side of his skull.

Death seemed to consider that. “hmm. my best guess is it'll probably just bounce right off.”

Geno quickly decided he didn't like the ambiguity of that answer. “and if it doesn't?”

“well then i guess you'll be walkin' around with a crushed cranium from now on,” his companion said cheerfully.

It occurred to Geno, quite suddenly, that maybe he _did_ have something left to lose after all. Unpleasant as his continued existence was, he became abruptly aware that it could certainly get worse.

“uh... think i've changed my mind about this,” he hedged, starting to get up.

“too late!”

“ _wait-,_ ”

THUNK!!!

* * *

 

When Geno's eye sockets fluttered open, the first thing he saw was Death's stupid smirk.

“ugh... didn't work then,” he groaned, sitting up and rubbing his head. To his immense relief, the bone and accompanying glitch both seemed in tact.

“nope.” Death didn't sound surprised. “rock just kinda,” he made a vague motion with his hand, “rolled away. interesting that you were knocked out though. did it hurt?”

Geno glared. “no,” he said sarcastically. “'s not like i was _bludgeoned_ with a _rock_ or anything _!_ why the _hell_ didn't you wait like i asked?!”

Death shrugged. “why bother?”

“uh, maybe 'cause my un-life is bad enough without havin' a head that looks like it's been shoved through a blender?!”

“you're fine though.”

“no thanks to you!”

Death shrugged again, but his expression made it clear he was thoroughly enjoying himself.

“so what now?” he asked as Geno rolled to his knees. “you want me to find a bigger rock?”

“ _no,_ i don't want you to find a bigger rock!” Geno cried incredulously, voice becoming high-pitched in his exasperation. “are you insane?!”

“i'm gonna find a bigger rock,” Death said decisively.

 


End file.
